| I have started this blog many times, never finishing what I had to say because I could never find the right words. But now, I will just let the words flow from my brain onto this blog as naturally as I can... 2008 was the worst and best year that I have ever experienced. You see, the first half of 2008 was amazing. I really felt content with my life. I had this amazing boyfriend, kick ass grades, and some bad ass friends. Everthing just felt so right in my life. And then after the summer...everything went downhill. I'm not an emo person or even pessimistic. I am one of the happiest people you'll ever find, but I really struggled with happiness the past 6 months. My boyfriend graduated from college a year early and found a job in a different city. Now, I am super proud of him and I am ecstatic that he found a job that he finds so much pleasure in, but the separation can be unbearable at times. Sometimes, I just felt really lonely. Our schedules were just so off from one another that we would barely talk the whole work week. He had work from 8 am - 5 pm and I always had work/school until 5 pm as well. When we both got home, we would hardly talked because: - He would be so exhausted from work that he'd pass out.
- Often times, I would have to work on homework or go to group meetings until very late in the night
Things are SLOWLY getting easier, but I sure do miss him a lot of the times. Now, I am usually a good student and make good grades. However, this past semester I struggled like crazy in my Finance class. I spent the whole semester thinking that I was going to make an F in the class. Of course there was a huge curve and my final grade depended on my peers since it was competitively curved. My grades for our three tests were: 40.5, 61, 49.5. Can you imagine how I was just so on the edge the whole semester about my grade? I had never felt so scared in my entire life over a stupid class. I studied so hard for this class, but it was never enough. I ended up passing with a C (whew!) but I am really disappointed with myself because I know I could've pushed myself harder. Finally, the hardest thing for me to swallow was losing a person that I thought was my good friend. I've always had this sense of security that I knew who my really good friends were. You know, the type of friends that you can see being a part of your wedding party, friends that you know would have your back no matter what kind of trouble you were in, the type of friend who would never ever hurt you or leave you just because they got a new boyfriend/girlfriend. I lost a good friend this past year. I felt like she just up and left me for a BOYFRIEND. Why did she do it? I just really don't know and I can't fathom her reasoning behind it. Although I act like I don't care at times...I still really do. How can you be friends with someone for so many years and not feel hurt or phased after they leave you? Even now, after all the bullshit, I am hurt and saddened by this and I don't even know if she feels sad about what has come about. I know that I invested so much in the friendship and I defended this person so much. I treated her with upmost respect even when others felt like she didn't deserve it. It's like, she doesn't even see how much I really cared about her. I tried so hard to keep the friendship going, but in the end...I felt like I was the only one trying. A friendship works both ways...I can't push and push for someone who doesn't want the same thing that I want. Things have gotten a little better between the two of us...but I know it'll never be the same. I will say this though...I have learned a lot from this past event. I know now that I deserve a friend that cares about me just as much as I do about them. Someone who will put in the effort to keep the friendship going because I know that I put my all into my friendships. I know that I have some amazing friends out there and I just am so much more grateful for you guys after this experience. So a huge thank you to all my friends...I love ya'll. So...goodbye 2008 and may 2009 be a much more promising year. |
